Faux News Network: Interview with Gongeblazn

Faux News Network has attained exclusive rights to interview Gongeblazn, the antagonist of Zaftan Miscreants, a novel by the unknown (for good reasons) author Hank Quense.  Gongeblazn is an alien of the zaftan persuasion.  FNN uses a new technology called Wormhole Connectivity to communicate with Zaftan 31B, the alien home world which is in a parallel world.

Here is our cultural reporter Marcia Hammerhead.

Ms Hammerhead: Tell us about your background

G.  My nest mother and father were both highly respected for their skills.  My father was the most famous and accomplished assassin in our home world.  Top politicians and corporate leaders vied for his services and paid huge amounts of money to have daddy blow someone up.  He was so successful, he got the nickname, Widow Maker.  Unfortunately, a gang of those widows trapped him in an alley and cut him to pieces with kitchen knives.  My Ma was equally famous as a poisoner.  A gallon of her special tea could wipe out an entire party.  In her dotage, she accidentally flavored her meal with the poison. 

I chose to take a different career path and joined the navy, although I do use the skills my daddy taught me.

Ms Hammerhead: Mr. Gongeblazn, tell us about your role in the novel.

G: What does mister mean? Is it some sort of subtle insult?  If so, I will demand satisfaction.

Ms Hammerhead:  It is no insult, it's a term of honor.

G. I accept your explanation.  My role is misunderstood.  I'm considered to be a villain, but the reality is that I'm a hero and a patriot who defended the home word against vicious enemies, despicable allies and other low-lifers.

Ms Hammerhead: How can you be a hero and a patriot when you lost two fleets of ships and turned to piracy at the end?

G Obviously, you have been subjected to propaganda from my enemies.  They will go to any lengths to blacken my reputation.

Ms Hammerhead: How can they blacken your reputation?  You've murdered any number of you peers and superiors as well as betrayed others.

G: Of which I'm justly proud.  Assassination and treachery are the hallmarks of a superior Zaftan.  The fact that I'm still alive shows my superiority over those who are dead.  Especially the ones I murdered.

Ms Hammerhead: At the end of the novel, you are captured and will be tried for piracy and face the death penalty, this ending your career.

G: Not necessarily. I'm negotiating with the author to let me escape from prison and take a roll in the next book, so I may be back.  I'm also entertaining offers for my life history and a producer is exploring a musical version of Zaftan Miscreants with me playing myself.

Ms Hammerhead: Thank you for the interview.  FNN will be interviewing more of author Hank Quense's characters.  Look for these reports.

Zaftan Miscreants Blog Tour

Join me in my blog tour starting next Monday, December 6.  It runs thru Friday, December 16.  Each day, I'll be at different site to answer questions or respond to comments.

The list of sites is shown below:

Monday, December 5th

Guest blogging at Café of Dreams

Tuesday, December 6th

Interviewed at Blogcritics

Wednesday, December 7th

Guest blogging at Lori’s Reading Corner

Thursday, December 8th

Interviewed at Pump Up Your Book!

Friday, December 9th

Interviewed at The Hot Author Report

Monday, December 12th

Interviewed at Paperback Writer

Tuesday, December 13th

Guest blogging at Inkyblots

Wednesday, December 14th

Book excerpt featured at Between the Covers

Thursday, December 15th

Book spotlighted at Broowaha

Friday, December 16th

Book spotlighted at Pump Up Your Books, Blurbs and Bytes

Two new interviews

Two new interviews of mine have appeared over the last week.

One of them is on Joylenne Butler's site: http://cluculzwriter.blogspot.com/2011/11/another-great-interview-hank-quense.html

The other is at Angel's Cove: http://angelscove.blogspot.com/2011/11/interview-with-author-of-zaftan.html

Both are interviews about Zaftan Miscreants.  Check them out.

Five Star review

Zaftan Miscreants has picked up another five-star review. The review reads in part:
The story line itself was not just one cut and dried road, it had a lot of little twists and side-stories and I don't want to give away too much but a lot of the goings-ons could really be paralleled to things happening here and now. Life, love, government, deception, lies, hope, despair, it's all in there wrapped up with some of the best satirical humor I've ever read. Just like a good spaghetti sauce IT'S IN THERE. 

Once you pick up this book and take a taste, you don't wanna put it down til your overly full and sated. 


I would recommend this first to anyone with a sense of humor! Secondly to all fans of sci-fi who are looking for something just a little different. 


Check it out!

Zaftan Miscreants Sample

Sample Scene from Zaftan Miscreants: Book 2 of the Zaftan Trilogy

Backstory

The book's antagonist, Gongeblazn, is freed from prison where he heard tales of a famous pirate, Blackbeard the Dwarf. Gongeblazn, who believes he is channeling the famous pirate, changes his name to Blackbeard, steals a trading vessel and recruits a crew from the galaxy's worst tavern.  In this scene he musters the crew for the first time:

==========================================

With everyone on board, Blackbeard called a muster.  He looked over his crew as they stood approximately at attention, most holding their noses and breathing through their mouths.  They consisted of a half-dozen porcines, three zaftans, five dwarfs, one elf, seven humans, the yuk bartender and a half-pint.  He looked down on the diminutive would-be pirate and said, "I do not remember ya signin' The Articles."

"I did sign them."

Blackbeard unrolled The Articles and scanned the signatures.  "What's yer name?"

"Harry Hotspur.  I was a teacher in the high school, but I decided to go adventuring."

"By the tides, ye did sign up. It's just that yer a bit small to be a pirate.  Someone will step on ye when we board a ship."

"I make up for my small stature by being overly aggressive."

"And ya talk funny."

"I'm a political science teacher and it's pretty boring stuff."

"He's kinda useless as a pirate," the former bartender said.  "Maybe, we could throw him at da other crew we when board dere ship."

"Useless, am I?"  Harry charged at the yuk, lowered his head at the last moment and rammed it into the yuk's crotch.  The yuk folded up with a whooshing sound and collapsed to the deck."

"Arrgh, where did ya learn that trick?" Blackbeard asked.

"From my students.  To survive in that high school, one has to be tough and a fast learner.  The students are vicious."

Blackbeard turned his attention to the rest of the crew.  "It has come to me notice that none of ye has a peg leg.  A good crew needs a peg leg or two.  Who will volunteer to get a leg hacked off so he can use a peg leg?"

"Ask one of them," a dwarf replied and jerked a thumb towards the zaftans.  "They look like they can do without a tentacle or two."

"Are ye daft?  Who ever heard of a pirate with a peg tentacle?"  He scanned his forces.  "Anyone own a parrot?"

No one answered.

"All pirate ships have a parrot.  Computer!  Buy a parrot as soon as ye can."

"Live or stuffed?" Slash 9 asked.

"Either one.  Now then.  None of ye are wearin' eyepatches.  Anyone want to get an eye gouged out so ye can look like a salty dog of a pirate?"

"I can hardly see out of my right eye," a porcine said.  "I'll wear a patch if you like."

"Arrrgh!  A volunteer.  Right, put it on."

"Can't.  I don't got one."

"Computer!"

"I know.  Order eyepatches.  Black ones I suppose."

"Right.  And order some peg legs and crutches.  Mayhap, one of these lads will lose a limb boarding a ship."  Brimming with pride over his new command and crew, he dismissed them to let them discover the ship had only a dozen bunks for the crew of twenty-four.

Zaftan Miscreants up for adoption!

The "Adopt an Indie" website has my book waiting to be adopted.  It involves getting a copy (free) and reading it, then ask me and other authors questions and/or writing a review.  The event runs during the entire month of November.
The link to my page on the site is here.  And here is the request form.  Fill it out to adopt my novel.  Laughter guaranteed.

Zaftan Miscreant Review

Hank Quense has done it again! His addition of Slash 9, the ship's computer, who wants to control the ship and demands Sam's allegiance brings laughter. But his character Dot 38, an antique robot who has been floating in space for years, is absolutely hilarious. It is portrayed as a spreader of the good news waiting for the Mechanical Messiah to come and save all of the mechanical beings. Then after a knock on the head, it decides the best solution is to form unions for all types of mechanical devices including the Council of Clocks and the Amalgamated Appliances Association.

If there was ever an author born to write satire, Hank Quense is our man. While reading Zaftan Miscreants I couldn't help but compare it to our own world of events. The names and looks may have been changed to protect the innocent, but the insinuations are definitely familiar. As with the 1st book in this series, I have laughed hard as I pictured the scenes in my mind and as I pictured the character from the author's description. Hank Quense is truly a man with an imagination!
Martha Cheves: 5 stars


You can read the entire review on Amazon

Faux News Network Expands its coverage

Faux News Network is proud to announce that it has signed agreements to greatly expand its network.  Effective immediately, a news bureau will be established in Dun Hythe, the capital of Gundarland.  A second bureau will be set up on Zaftan 31B, the home planet of the aliens known as Zaftans.

Our Gundarland bureau chief is named Sandra Elfenheimer.  She will concentrate on interviews and updates on the lives of the many story characters that live there.

On Zaftan 31B, Chazerei will head up the bureau.  We have asked her to compare election processors on Zaftan 31B and on Earth.  Look for her report in the near future.

Since both these bureaus are in a parallel universe, Faux News Network is the first news organization to expand into other worlds and we will be the first news organization to use the newly developed Wormhole Communication System.

Introductory Discounts

To celebrate the initial availablility of my book, I'm offering deep discounts on the print and ebooks versions of this exciting new novel.  The discounts are 1/3 off the ebook and $5.00 off the print version

To get the discounted price on the ebook version go to http://www.smashwords.com/books/view/90182  and enter coupon code QQ58D at checkout.
To get a discounted print version, it must be ordered fromCreatespace  https://www.createspace.com/3656094.  Enter coupon code 6BMT7TA6 at checkout
While the coupon won't work on Amazon, you can log in using your Amazon account.
These discounts will be valid until October 31

It's Party Time!

Faux News Network Spokesman:  It is my great pleasure to announce that Faux News Network in association with Strange Worlds Online presents the official launch party for Hank Quense's new novel, Zaftan Miscreants: Book 2 of the Zaftan Trilogy.
Ms. Marcia Hammerhead will be the Mistress of Ceremonies for the party.  You can watch her recent interview with Mr. Quense on YouTube.
And now, here is Ms Hammerhead.
Ms. Hammerhead:  I don't know why I have to do this stuff.  I hate genre fiction. Especially Quense's fiction.  Unfortunately, I need the money, so here goes.
This launch party is a virtual scavenger hunt.  If you go to various websites and find the correct pages, you can accumulate prizes that aren't virtual, they're real stuff.  However, if you're looking for true literature, you're out of luck.  The prizes are all trashy genre stuff.
First off, go the website http://strangeworldsonline.com. This is the home page.  Your job is to find the Zaftan Miscreants main page.  On that page you'll see what you won.
Next, go to Facebook, find the Strange Worlds Online page and click on "like". (Why you would 'like' this escapes me.) This entitles you to win one, possibly two ebooks filled with genre garbage. If you're unlucky, you may even win an ebook copy of Tales From Gundalrland, more of Quense's  drivel.
Personally, I think you should skip this scavenger hunt, get a copy of Moby Dick or Shakespeare's plays and read some true literature.
But, what do I know?  By the way, don't bother to watch the interview.  It's terrible.